Teagan- "No flies in the house!!!" Brody- "Maybe they just want to have a sleep over."
Brody- "Kamryn is pretending to be a purple, big sock." Mom- "Sock?" Brody- "Shark." Mom- "Oh."
Teagan- "We should take Brody to an orphanage or take him up a big tree that he can't get down from and leave him there."
Teagan- "I look like I'm 21 in my shadow."
Teagan went into the bathroom and I overheard him talking to Brody through the door. Teagan- "This is where I transform into a Avatar and also where I go to the bathroom."
Brody- "Mom, can I bite Kamryn's leg?"
As I was using the bathroom I see little fingers under the door. After a few seconds Brody says- "Do you see my fingers?" Mom- "Yep." Brody- "I'm doing that because I'm being weird."
Brody- "The bad gremlins don't get stuff from Santa cause they're naughty."
Teagan drew a picture of a person and I asked who it was. Brody said- "Satan?"
Brody- "The chair is being mean to me." Mom-"The chair is being mean to you?" Brody- "And the downstairs door."
Brody- "Can I have some orange juice?...cause it's delicious!"
Brody- "I didn't know knives can cut!"
John- "Man, you talk a lot." Teagan- "I know. I just can't help myself."
Brody- "Good people make good choices and always use nice words." Teagan- "Not always...sometimes good people don't use nice words....like Mom and Dad."
Teagan- "Mom, sometimes I'm friendly.....sometimes I'm not."
Brody- "My tummy is telling my legs I'm tired."
Brody sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulders and said- "Do you know why I'm doing this?.....Because you're cute."
Brody had the runs and said- "That was amazing poop! And that was awesome when it dripped from my toot!"
Brody- "Mom! We're one headed! We're not dragons...we're humans."
I turned off the lights in our basement while Brody and I walked towards the lighted stairs. Brody started whining and said- "I can't see!! I don't have cat eyes!"
Teagan- "Hey mom!!!! There's a cherry red Ferrari....or maybe it's a Toyota."
Teagan about Brody- "That's the way he was built. God made him and God made him naughty."
Brody held up his hand and said- " Do you know what this is for?....Spankins."
Brody- "My poop is hurting my brain." Mom- "How come?" Brody- "Cause it's bigger and I thought it was a snake."
Mom- "Brody, how come all the balls are out?" Brody- "Because I threw them at Kamryn."
Teagan to mom- "Your voice is starting to sound like mine when it's cranky."
Mom- "Did you just hit your sister?" Brody- "No, I punched her."
Brody- "I wanted to see what was under my skin, so I pulled my thumb off and it was chicken!!"
Brody- "Milk cows have 11, 12, 13, 8, 9, 10 legs...where the milk comes out."
Teagan- "Shake what yo mama gave ya."
Mom- "Brody, tell your sister you're sorry for hitting her." Brody- "Sorry, goblin."
Brody- "Mom, can I have a waffle for breakfast? I mean a cookie?" Mom- "I thought you said you wanted a waffle?" Brody- "I changed my mind to a cookie."
I was browning hamburger when Teagan walked in the kitchen and in a cheery confident voice said, "Smells like corn!"
Teagan-"What are you doing?" Mom-"Putting on mascara because I don't have as pretty of eyelashes as you." Teagan-"Yeah, you don't. Mine are cool."
Brody-"Get away!" Mom-"Use your nice words, please." Brody-(with a big smile) "Please mommy, you get away?"
Brody woke up screaming and yelling for me in the middle of the night. I went to him, tucked his blankets around him, and asked what was wrong. He said, "Teagan took my sandwich." And he fell back to sleep.
Brody-"You're a crazy mom and a crazy Brody too."
Brody-"You're a silly mom. You're playing tricks on you."
Mom-"Hurry Brody. We need to take Teagan to school." Teagan-"Yeah. So I can get learned."
Brody-"That hair is talking to me." Mom-"What? Oh, it's sticking to you?" Brody-"Yeah."
Teagan read something off of the TV and I said- "How did you know what that said?" Teagan-"Cause I'm still too smart."
Mom-"I'm makign Top Ramen for lunch." Teagan-"Brownies?" Mom-"No, Top Ramen."
Mom-"What do you want to have for dinner tonight?" Brody-"Diarhea." Mom-"What? Gross!"
Brody-"Goodbye paper toilet."
Brody-"What in the world!?!"
Mom-"What do you think about having a new baby brother or sister? Are you excited?" Brody-"Yeah. Is it in your tummy?" Mom-"Yep." Brody-"Awwww...that's so cute!"
Mom-(from the kitchen)"Brody, Whatcha doing?" Brody-"I'm out in the livingroom pooping."
Teagan-"Mom, your stuff in the microwave is done." Mom-"Thanks, Teagan." Teagan-"I sure hope you're sharing."
Teagan-"Avery wasn't at school today because she was getting her utensils out." (tonsels)
Mom-"Teagan, are you asleep?" Teagan-"No, but all my body parts are."
Brody was sitting on my lap and pushed on my chest. Brody-"Is this your elbow, mommy?" Mom-"Um, no. This is my elbow (showing him my ACTUAL elbow)."
Teagan-"I'm plastic a little bit. That's how God made us, with skin that is kinda plastic."
Mom-"You haven't washed your hands yet? What have you been doing? Playing?" Teagan-"I was doing the Hokie Pokie!"
Teagan-"Maybe when I go on my mission I can go on a spaceship to the Star Wars places."
Mom-"Why were you in a time out?" Brody-"Because I eat Teagan." Mom-"You mean, because you bit Teagan?" Brody-"No, uh, ya. Because I bite Teagan."
While changing Brody's diaper: Brody-"My penis wants you, mom." Mom-"What!?!" Brody-"It wants to pee on you. " *giggle* Mom-"It wants to pee on me? Gross!" Brody-"No, it's not gross, it's just water."
Mom-"Teagan, will you throw Kamryn's diaper in the garbage?" Teagan- "Is it poopie?" Mom-"No." Teagan-"Well, I'm not going to breathe in."
Teagan- "Mom, I'm always hungry."
Brody- "I want to go to the mountain."
Brody came walking into the kitchen pinching his nipples and in a whiney voice says "I'm hurting myself."
Brody- "I pooped out my money." Dad- "You pooped out your money?" Brody- "Yip! Out my bum!"
Brody- *sobbing* "I hurt myself on the sink. I have to go to the hospital."
Brody- "Tia, Tia...Kamryn wants you!"
Brody- "Birdie." Teagan- "No, that's a goose." Brody- "No, birdie." Teagan- "Well, some gooses can be birds."
Teagan- "Can we go to the park?" Mom- "I'm thinking about it." Teagan- "I've been thinking about it too."
Mom- "Teagan I want you to wear shorts." Teagan- "But mom, my head is telling me to wear jeans. I better listen to my head."
Brody- "I almost fell in the potty."
Brody (to Mom)- "Daddy is not listening to you. He's not obeying."
Mom- "What do you want for lunch?" Teagan- "Peanut butter and popcorn." *laughing*
Brody- "Mommy! Mommy! Kamryn looks pretty!" Teagan- "Ya, she looks like a butterfly princess."
Teagan- "I'm back on earth." Mom- "Oh. How was your trip?" Teagan- "Good." Mom- "Did you learn anything?" Teagan- "No, I just walked around and said HI to a girl alien."
Mom-"We've been invited to the private party at the Boulevard." Teagan- "Private Party?.....Does that mean you don't have to wear clothes?"
Teagan- "Kids love their toys, but they still love their mommies and dads."
Teagan- "Today was a heart attack day. Cause the cat heart attacked me."
John- "Come here Teagan, so I can spank your bum." Brody - (sweetly) "Don't touch Teagan's bum, ok?"
Teagan to mom- "Is today your birthday?" Mom- "No remember, Sunday is my birthday. I'm going to be old." Teagan- "No you won't. You will still be your own size. Cause I'm still my own size."
Brody to Teagan- "You are old." Teagan- "*laughing* I'm not old." Brody- (totally serious) "Ya, you are OLD."
Brody- "I want butter in my mouth."
Brody- "When I'm 3 I'll turn into Teagan. And Teagan will turn into Brody. *laugh* And Brody can sleep on my bed and I will sleep on Teagan's bed."
Teagan- "Mom, you have chubby muscles."
Brody- "I want evil in the morning." ???
Teagan- "Spongebob is like a beehive squid guy."
Teagan- "Mom, I'm almost done eating. I'm gonna beat Brody. He's not eating because he's freaked out."
Teagan- "I listen like a camel."
Teagan- "You're hurting my wrist on my foot." John- "You mean your ankle?" Me-*laughing*
Teagan- "We should start giving me breakfast in bed."
One day we didn't receive any mail. Teagan said- "Maybe because the mailman is home sick, I think."
Brody was flying a little horse around saying---"Nay Nay to the rescue!"
Teagan-"Hey Brody...are you a human?" Brody-"NO! I'm a snowflake!"
Brody singing- "Poopie, poopie on my way." (I was changing his diaper and he was confusing the horsey-horsey song with the potty talk in his head--not intentionally.)
Teagan- "Does Jesus have germs?"
As I was washing off our kitchen table, I turned and looked at Brody---licking the table. ??? No, he didn't say anything and neither did I.
I was filling up bottles of water for our emergency storage and explained what I was doing to Teagan. Then he said, "And if we run out, we call the cops to get some more."
Brody- (during a diaper change) "Mama, when you're done with my bum, I want a treat."
Teagan- "I got it Kamryn! I got it! ...I got Kamryn's booger!"
Teagan- "Bums are SQUISHY!!!"
Teagan- "Mom, is crap-face a bad word?" Ugh-compliments of The Sand Lot.
Brody was playing with a phone and I asked- "Who are you calling, Brody?" With a huge grin on his face, he said- "Ghostbusters."
Teagan- "Hey mom. Look at me. " (showing his fully dressed self) "I'm a cool looking dude."
I asked Brody and Teagan to bring me Kamryn's bouncy seat. As they took turns carrying it to me, I told them how very strong they were. Teagan said- "I'm super strong like Brody and Daddy." And I said- "Like Mommy too." Teagan said- "No, girls aren't strong." I said- "What? Of course we are. Girls can be very strong!" Teagan- "Not Kamryn...she's not even toilet trained yet!"
Teagan- "Becker Simba....that means I don't know."
At dinner John and I were talking and Brody kept trying to interupt. Finally I said, "Yes Brody." He said, "Mom, guess what?" I said, "What?" There was a long pause then Brody said, "Peanut!!!" LOL We laughed so hard! Brody's first joke.
Teagan singing- "...the kid is not my son...." Name that tune!
Teagan (playing with his dinosaurs)- "Peeeewww!...What is that smell?.....Oh, it's hot lava dinosaur poop."
Teagan singing- "Sell the kids for food...." Name that tune!
Brody to Kamryn (she was crying in the car)- "What's the matter baby girl." --in his sweetest voice.
Brody- "OWWWW!" from the back seat of the car. Mom (responding to the screaming of bloody murder)- "What's wrong?" Brody- "Spiderman hurt my bum!"
John made a couple pies and we were trying to decide who to give one of them to. I said-"Who is someone special....?" And before I could finish my sentence, Brody said;"ME!"
Brody- "Cheek...that one." -pointing to my cheek...so I lean down and he gives me a big kiss.
Teagan- "We came. We saw. We kicked it's &%@!" Courtesy of Ghost Busters. Thank you Bill Murray.
Teagan- "Mmmm, what smells?" Mom- "Dinner, doesn't it smell good." Teagan- "Ahhh, poison!" --as he falls to the floor.
Teagan spelled out the letters on the outside of the building where John works...and asks what it spells. I said, "Thomas Arts....that's where daddy works." Teagan said, "No, Dad works at Geico."
Brody- "Wake down, TT!" ...Which translates into 'wake up teagan.'
Teagan- "Mom, when Santa comes...if he gets tired, he can rest at our house. He can sleep on our couch....but I will tell him that he can't have his boots on the couch!"
Teagan- "Mom, when I'm 16 I want to buy a van like Grandma's." (minivan)
Teagan- "Can I drive?"
While babysitting a friend's little girl...I overheard Teagan ask her if she wanted to go out to dinner. She said yes and they made their way to the kitchen, had what must have been a wonderful meal, then they headed back to the toys to play. As Teagan walked by me, he said, "Mom, we went out to dinner." I said, "Oh, that's nice...where did you go?" Teagan said, "Paris."
Mom- "Teagan, what do you want to get Daddy for Christmas?" Teagan (in a super excited voice) "A holiday....... delicious....... cheeseburger....... a frozen one........ in a little fridge!!!!"
Teagan- "Mom, are The Wiggles human?"
Teagan- "It smells like snow!"
Mom- "Brody, come on...go this way." Brody- looking very mischevious...but in charge-"No mom, go this way." I ended up chasing him around the car.
Mom- "Teagan get out of the mud." Teagan- "But mom, I'm planting a seed to grow delicious corn."
Teagan- After a lecture on hitting, he was poking his finger around his eye and said, "Did I get all the guilt out of my eyes, mom?"
Things I Never Thought I'd Say--But Have.
"I do not want your scab!"
"Stop biting your toe nails."
"Kamryn, maybe running in high heels isn't a very good idea."
"Liam, your bottle doesn't belong up your nose."
John- "Get both of your fingers out of your nose."
"Stop eating your boogers and come eat your eggs!"
"Please don't clean the toilet."
"Give me back the poopie diaper."
"Please stop eating your shirt. If you're hungry, let me get you some food."